Holly B
2013-06-08 02:26:19 UTC
Last year I had a brief manic episode- not sure how it happened but was after a family row, so it might have been that pushing me. But I went to London alone and stayed for a few days. I found cheap accomodation but like a lion being let out its cage I spent too much, and got out payday loans to cover it as well as maxing out my only credit card. I paid the loans myself, but have never been able to get rid of the damn £500 which is on my credit card, despite making regular payments as I then end up finding something I need so spend it again. I am afraid I will have this with me for the rest of my life, as my condition is not improving and it just won't go down. I know how so many people in this world have £500 to spend easily. This £500 will still be bugging me in years to come, and may never go- literally! And because of it it puts me off being able to invest in things I need or want (now or in future) like moving out, learning to drive, home study, new clothes, having a family!!!
On top of this I also have about £1000 on a single catalogue company. I have the same chance of paying that off one day as the credit card. I got it up so high not from fancy clothes, shoes or bags, but from a new laptop (the only piece of technology I have really- my mobile phone cost about £20) because my old tiny netbook broke and had no insurance. I also bought a cheap treadmill so I can exercise myself without going out (remember I am agoraphobic). What with those two things and a couple items of casual clothing which are now worn out and need replacing I am up to my limit here too.
I have so many dreams, I am a smart and artistic person. I am generous and enjoy giving to charity when I can. Only the other day I gave my last £3 of phone credit to a charity, meaning I couldn't use my phone after. I only ever buy £5 at a time, maybe once every 3 months. Just for important things.
I really wanted to save up to send my mum on holiday next year, as well as plant a garden but I won't have money for these things. I can never plan anything. My mum has never been on holiday abroad, ever and is not as young as she used to be! SHe has been ill in the last few years so don't want her opportunity to pass. She works very hard in a job managing volunteers for victim support at the court. But she only earns enough to pay the bills in conjunction with my dad's contributions- as he didn't move out when they split.
I have been ill and miserable for so long, you wouldn't believe it. Mental illness has wrecked my life. If anyone out there could contribute just £500 to get rid of my damn credit card it would be amazing!!! It is now £14 over the limit by accident after my dad mistook it for my debit card and bought something on my behalf, going over by £2- just a bit more I cannot afford.
Even £50 or £100 would all help chip away at it.